London
London is the capitol of Great Good Britain. It's pronounced Lundun by the locals for some weird reason, possibly because of over-exposure to pollution from the Tube (subway system). London is about the size of New York City, but is full of old stuff and guys in big penis-shaped hats. It was almost destroyed during World War 2 by the nazis, but was saved at the last minute by brave American heroes. London is the host city of the 2012 Summer Olympics. The Running of the Jew during the games will take place in the London Underground. The American Tourist's Guide to London Stay away; we don't want you here anyway. -Londoner * Big Ben - an old clock tower which isn't as big as it sounds * Buckingham Palace - where the Queen lives, protected by her fearsome furry-headed guards * Hyde Park - the biggest park in London, but a pitiful spot of grass when compared to Central Park * Leicester Square - pronounced Lie-chester Square, a place where tourists go to be bored and underwhelmed * Nelson's Column - a big stone phallus celebrating another French surrender to the Brits * The London Eye - a giant ferris wheel where Big Brother (also known as communist London Mayor Red Ken) lives * A load of boring museums - best avoided Famous Residents * Queen Elizabeth II * Prime Minister Gordon Brown * Former Prime Minister Winston Churchill * Madonna * Sir Richard Branson * Amy Winehouse * Duffy * Leona Lewis * Simon Cowell * Tony Blair * Cockneys * Mary Poppins * Those kids from Peter Pan 2011 London Riot: Crumpets and Tea for everyone! Afternoon Tea Ruined by Black/Poor/Fureign/Youth/Other Libural Hooligans The Smoldering Ruins of The British Empire, London Britania MadMaxland. August, 2011 - In August 2011 the land of Great Britain was going through radical reforms, called austerity measures (which is awesome, by the way. It helps the rich to pocket more money and forces the poor to get bootstraps to pull whatever they have left), to save their people from the progressive threat that is bankrupting their Nation: cuts to entitlement programs, free bootstraps for the unemployed, higher education cost, etc. Yet the liberals were not happy with these changes, but it was only until the Real British decided to seize all the Tea in Britain to be shipped to America for the Tea Party that it caused an uproar on the streets. This drove the liberals mad and they decided to politely break windows, gently set cars on fire, and then burst in a musical "Why Britain Sucks".http://ontd-political.livejournal.com/8547381.html Oscar winner of "Best Director" of the Titanic film and Prime Minister of Britain, David Cameron, was forced to cut short his compulsory European vacation (it is a crime not to take your mandatory vacation; it's alright, he was visiting India, cutting short his Bollywood cameo and dance). PM Cameron seemed upset that the hooligans were causing ruckus in the streets, intervening with the British tradition of Elevenses, "These hooligans do not understand proper etiquette or respect British tradition. Imagine having tea outside the traditional hours or brewing tea with nasty synthetic additives. They are mad!". The PM has called for the police to stop the chaos before the traditional Afternoon Tea, otherwise the day will be spoiled. Critics suspect the usual suspects behind the riots: the blacks, the liberals, the gays, fureigners, the lazy youth, or anyone who hates Britain. Police were informed to take the necessary measure to stop the unscheduled wave of violence and looting, "But I am scared!" said a British police officer, "We are not allowed to carry guns, all we have are these sticks. Mine is not even real, is made of paper! Have you seen these hooligans? They are big and scary, some of them are black gangsters!" Black hooligan gangsters are not the only threat in the streets, adorable street urchins were witnessed picking up rocks and attacking bystanders for their pocket change, "It is not like we approve of this criminal lifestyle. I am a poor orphan that knows no better" declared a filthy kid before he stole our audio recorder. Clearly these orphans must be dealt with brute force before they take over the city. It is only a matter of time before the fires of revolt engulfs the British Isles in polite flames. Rich people Real Britons are already demanding the government to do something, like "Shoot-to-kill and then politely apologize to the criminals afterward". "I am just trying to protect my valuables! It is bad enough the poor keep asking me for money and I am forced to kick them in the sacks, then the liberals have the guts to keep asking me for more money to help the poor and I keep telling them no so I refuse to pay taxes, and now we have looters and hooligans stealing and destroying our stuff. What have I ever done to them? Clearly this is the work of liberal entitlement programs, setting a bad example." Clearly these hooligans do not understand the proper procedure for grievances and civility, and instead they have opted for throwing these unscheduled, wild, yet polite riots to send some sort of message. Unfortunately since they do not speak American the message is a garble to Wikiality.com. Meanwhile, Aliens decided to take over London while no one was watching. Whatever caused the riots, we can all agree in one thing. It is clearly Obama's fault. Thankfully this would never happen in teh good US of A. External Tubes *The Future of London (from next week)